FREE! (Plus Shipping, Handling, Processing, Breathing)

“FREE! (Plus Shipping, Handling, Processing, Breathing)”

Front: “FREE!” Back: “*Plus shipping, handling, processing, breathing, existing, thinking, reading this shirt” Fine Print: “Free offer expires while you’re reading this sentence”

Hidden Costs We’re Exposing: • Shipping: $29.99 (for a digital download) • Handling: $19.99 (someone had to touch it) • Processing: $24.99 (computer electricity costs) • Breathing fee: $15.99 (you used oxygen while deciding) • Existence surcharge: $9.99 (for being alive during purchase)

Terms and Conditions: • Free trial converts to $99.99/month after 0.001 seconds • Cancellation requires blood sample and DNA test • “Free” means “costs money” in our legal definition • Reading this shirt constitutes acceptance of all terms

Perfect for victims of “free” trials that cost more than premium services.

Pricing Transparency: $99.99 because that’s what the “free” offer will cost you.

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