Breathing as a Service - $19.99/month Per Nostril
Mock the ultimate monetization of basic human functions
“Breathing as a Service - $19.99/month Per Nostril”
Front: “Breathing as a Service” Back: “$19.99/month Per Nostril • Family Plans Available” Sleeve: “Upgrade to Premium Oxygen for Better Performance”
Service Features We’re Mocking: • Per-breath pricing model • Premium oxygen tiers ($5 extra for mountain air simulation) • Family breathing plans (children half price until age 18) • Automatic renewal (can’t opt out without suffocating) • Location-based pricing (urban air costs more) • Breath pattern monitoring for compliance
Subscription Tiers: • Basic: Standard air composition • Premium: 0.1% more oxygen • Executive: Filtered air with mint scent • Family: Bulk discount for household breathing
Perfect for anyone horrified by the subscription economy’s reach into every aspect of human existence.
Price Explanation: $39.98 = $19.99 × 2 nostrils. We’re being generous by not charging per breath.
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Secure checkout via Stripe. All prices in USD unless noted.